Thursday, September 27, 2007
Jessie Spano
High- Getting to know Lindsay! I was so sad when Aisha moved and asked God if it wouldn't be too much to ask Him to answer the same prayer again and provide another friend. And lo and behold, He answered again! Lindsay showed up from Texas to teach 2nd grade, we clicked right away and I now have a new running partner! She is practically a clone of my friend Meredith, who also happens to be from Texas, and is a true answer to prayer. The only bad thing is I have already noticed that my usage of the word "y'all" has returned in full force. OK, I have to post this next picture as well because it is so frightening. We were trying to take a timer picture and Gizmo was being difficult. I am particularly proud of this "ugly face" because I wasn't trying! I looked at the screen afterwards and actually gasped. Not too often your own face can scare you. I felt like I had reached a new level in my pursuit of ugly faces. Apparently the look I was going for was "psychotic, demon-possessed, cancer patient on drugs with bizarre veins in a giraffe-esq neck." I don't know about you, but I think I nailed it. Low- getting yelled at by a one-legged man. While running with Gizmo, Gizzy decided to squat by a tree. Perfectly normal. One thing I love about walking dogs here in Maputo is that you don't have to clean up after them. Well, apparently, Giz chose to do his business under the tree where this man must sit because he started yelling in Portuguese and though I don't know the language, I could grasp the meaning. I was terrified that he might chase me, I'm not being mean, I really thought that would be scary. So I confess, I did a "legally blonde shrug" and yelled, "Sorry, I don't speak Portuguese" and then broke into a sprint with Gizmo.
High- helping Natasha, one of the seniors, research colleges. This girl is an absolute crack up. The type that is constantly laughing and has a contagious laugh. She's also a very dedicated student and plans on going to college in the States. I asked her if she was a US citizen because I knew she lived there for 10 years, and she replied, "I don't know." Luckily, my brain had stored info from Government class about citizenship qualifications and we figured out that she isn't. Working with her, made me even more appreciative of my parents and how simple the college process was. Finding scholarships, financial aide and college acceptances, will, I anticipate turn into a bit of a headache but we're working on it every week.
Low- Being chased two separate times by two different dogs with only 3 legs. There is one dog that we usually run past and the other day he was waiting for us. I yanked Gizmo's leash close and picked up the pace but that darn dog started to chase us! I hate the feeling of being chased. I remember playing tag when I was little and constantly faking an injury when I was being chased because I hated the feeling. Glancing over my shoulder to find a 3-legged dog limping as fast as he can after us, was quite terrifying. The next time I was walking alone and a stray dog snuck up behind me and bit my heel! I did an embarrassingly girly scream and jumped a good 5 feet in the air and ran.
High- hanging out with my friends in Shiparango! I met Suzanne for the first time a few weeks ago who is a potential future girlfriend for Vander. She's only 5 days younger than him and such a doll. Her dad is one of the only villagers who speak a few words of English and he always make a point to ask me how I am in English.
I really don't know why we were squatting in this picture, or where my eyebrows have disappeared to. I'm also not sure what Martina is saluting but somehow, I'm sure she's never heard of Adolf Hitler, so I'm not concerned. Again, this is the village that Mada and I attend every other week where Mada preaches. I love hanging out with these villagers and feel like a bond is growing although I can't speak with them. Most of the children have moved into the city to live with relatives and attend school. However, Martina and Lorenzo don't have family in town and therefore do not get to go to school. So tragic. If you remember, Lorenzo is the boy with the bloated belly and Martina is the girl mistreated by the villagers. They both are constantly running errands for the adults during the service, whether it is filling the huge, dirty, communal cup with water, changing the babies soiled pants, chasing the pigs away from the huts, wiping the numerous runny noses of the little ones and taking them to the hut when they cry. These two are so dear to my heart. I appear to be gripping Martina with a kung-fu grip in the picture but I assure you, she wasn't trying to run away from me:)
Low- my planter's wart has returned.
High- being the only one to see the President's (yes, of Mozambique) peacock. I was grading papers at a really fancy and, as Aisha would say, "posh" hotel. It was freezing outside and I had not checked the weather and was in shorts but still insisted on sitting outside. (those who have lived with me, know that I need my "natural lighting") While sipping hot chocolates, I glanced up to find a peacock walking on the canopy. In college, my friend Katie and I once chased a peacock, and ever since I've been fascinated by these birds. I assumed the Polana Hotel had pet peacocks for the guests to gawk at, and after the bird had wondered off, I asked my waiter about it. It was at this point that I discovered the waiter didn't speak English and I did a horrid job trying to explain what a peacock is. Since he couldn't understand me, he said he'd get his manager. Oh great, that's what I get for trying to make small talk with someone who doesn't speak my language. So out comes the boss and I assure him that nothing is wrong, I was merely curious about the peacock. Apparently this is not a common word to learn in a second language because the manager was clueless as well, despite my efforts at pantomiming. He then proceeded to find HIS manager and for a third time, I explained that nothing was wrong, I just was asking about the stupid peacock. (no, I didn't call it stupid) He knew the word and realized that it was the peacock missing from the President's home which is near by. The entire Polana staff then proceeded to go on a peacock chase, leaving me quite amused bythe surreal afternoon of grading. (they never found the bird and I'm sure some assumed I had hallucinated)
Low- Gizmo had a one-night stand. I'm disappointed in his morals. I actually was a bit disturbed when Henrik, our neighbor, informed me but in 2 months there will be 10 pure-bred Rhodesian Ridgebacks.
High- Working with my junior highers. This crazy bunch is so full of life and I confess that I do have a somewhat "junior high" sense of humor so I find them hilarious. Sometimes they get off topic and start telling random stories and though I should cut them off, I enjoy listening to them giggle so much so I sit back and let them entertain me occassionally. I did, however, learn that when teaching junior high, one must never, under any circumstances, use the word "fart" if they are planning on maintaining any order for the remainder of the class. While spelling, "architecture" on the chalk board, I froze realizing I had no idea how to spell it without spell check. Not thinking twice, I informed the class that I was having a "brain fart" and couldn't remember how to spell the word. This led to the remaining 20 minutes of class full of laughter despite my best efforts to teach the legacy of ancient Greece. They had never heard this term before so I explained, and I fear this is may be the only thing they remembered from school that day. When we were talking about Old Testament history and the character "Nimrod" I told them that calling someone a "nimrod" is like calling them an idiot so they could remember Nimrod was an idiot for allowing the building of the Tower of Babel. They went around the entire week calling people nimrod's at school.
Another high about working with these gems, is there curiosity and their amazing faith. Pretending to be Socrates, I went through a line of questioning to try to get them to understand why they believe what they believe. So I asked why they were Christians and how they knew there was a heaven and how they knew what their parents told them was true and how they knew God even existed. I was blown away by some of their answers. When I asked how they knew God existed, Cory and Jessica answered right back with, "I've seen Him do miracles." They went on to tell stories of times they have witnessed God's power and I was left amazed, and with no further questions. I see why Christ said we must be like children to enter the kingdom. Their innocence and complete faith, is truly inspiring.
Low- Working with my junior highers. I love em but they are slowly sucking the life out of me. Anyone else thinking about dementors now? Yes, as previously mentioned, I am a Harry Potter fan. I knew my sophomores were more mature than junior highers, but I was clueless as to the extent. I have to use my stern voice way more often than I'd like. Let me briefly introduce you to the motly bunch (I actually don't know what "motly" means but I think it is the right context):
First, on your far right, is Andrew. I secretly love when people blink during pictures. As an eighth grader, he is the leader of the pack (vroom, vroom...anyone else singing the song?) and vacillates between being too cool to hang out with the "measly, immature 7th graders" and joining right in with all their crazy jokes and antics.
Next to him, is Jessica. A Greek with a tude, she is the first to call me out on each and every mistake and mishap I make but is super sweet as well.
Next to Jessica, is the reason I currently have a stress-induced, "pepperoni-pizza "face. (that's what we used to refer to our break-outs for those of you who have perfect skin and don't know what I'm talking about. ps- I hate you. Ok, not really, but I'm jealous) Ah, Fredy. He keeps us laughing and me on my toes. Although he can be somewhat of a challenge, there is a sweet innocence, though he tries desperately to conceal this, and a heart longing to be loved and accepted. He wouldn't let me pass by into the library the other day and not being in the mood to guess a password, I picked him up by his skinny, little arms and moved him. (Benefits of teaching at a private school.) Ever since, he's been telling people not to mess with me because I could beat them up.
The floating head next to Fredy is sweet, sweet Ude. He's a star student and catches me on spelling errors all the time. Quite pathetic on my part, I know. Usually wearing a great, big smile, you can't help but want to pick him up and squeeze him. He's self-conscious of his thick South African accent and heads were about to roll when the others teased him about it.
Next to Ude, is my protege for awkward, solo poses. Having once been an incredibly, awkward junior-higher myself, I find myself relating with Cory and trying desperately to protect him. (If you don't believe I was awkward, picture me, wearing a flannel and lipsinging to Chicago's "Your the Inspiration" in 7th grade drama. I'm still a bit peeved with Heidi for telling me it was a cool song.) Cory was so excited when I read the "Footprints in the Sand" story because he had just read it in his devotional the night before. He was so cute about it and brought the book in the next day to show me and then recently gave me the book since he finished.
Behind Cory is another floating head, Jenny. Total coincidence that both floating heads are black, by the way. Jenny is an incredible student with a usual cheery attitude. Since giving her my e-mail address, she e-mails every weekend to wish me a nice, relaxing weekend.
Jenny has her arm around Mayala who has recently joined the school. One problem, she doesn't speak a word of English. I've taught language learners before but this is to a whole new degree.
Finally, Mr. Cool, aka Silvio, is the new kid in town. Just last week his family moved from Nigeria and the little tyke is trying hard to fit in but struggling. He's in eighth grade but so tiny and on the basketball court, the others get frustrated because he steals the ball so often since he's tough to see. Still adjusting to our rules and teaching strategies, I have to be kinda tough on him and find myself saying at least 14 times a day, "If I'm talking, you're not."
High- coaching the high school boys and girls in basketball. I love running but I missed the greatest sport of all time and it has been so fun coaching. We currently only have 4 girls but are recruiting some of the others to join. They giggle and prance through practice but are eager to learn all the fundamentals of the game so they can show off their skills at the lunch time games.
There are 8 boys who were hilarious at practice today. Three different times, boys were accidentally pelted in the face with a ball and most fell to the ground laughing. Like the girls, they are sponges, wanting to learn everything about the game as fast as possible. Here's a video of the lunch time game. Yes, there are about 8 kids on a team. Please excuse my lame commentary. I'm sitting next to Caris and Will, two 5th grade boys who talk every day about how they can't wait til they can play with the older kids.
Low- teaching grammar! This subject is turning into the thorn in my side! I don't remember learning all these silly grammar rules and am teaching myself as we go along. Perhaps you've noticed my recent, more frequent use of commas. This is thanks to out last chapter on comma placement so I suppose I should be thankful that I am learning new things. Some of the vocabulary and spelling words are so tough that I have never even seen them and literally have to guess on the pronunciation and pray the kids don't call me out on it. Luckily, the new director's wife was supposed to teach the English classes and they are supposed to come in a few weeks. I've grown to appreciate my history classes even more after teaching English.
High- having great conversations at Tuesday night Bible study. The couple who hosts the study are hilarious and have a 4 year old, Star-Wars loving, son who cracks me up with his random comments. Our dinner conversations range from American cereals to Hillary Clinton; from the Simpsons to HIV in Africa; from honeymoon pranks to the politics in Mynamar. (I'm not trying to impress you by the stimulating, intellectual conversations we have. I can only offer input when talking about tv and food) I loved Tuesday nights at home because of the 99 cent chicken tacos, but here I've come to look forward to Tuesdays because of the fellowship and teaching. We've been studying James and if you're looking for a new book of the Bible to start reading, I highly recommend James. Before talking about passages with a group, I hadn't realized how many questions I have about Scripture. Wesley, the leader of the study, does a wonderful job explaining the context and the Greek and I am loving how much I am learning.
Low- Being too busy to shower and clip my toe nails. Maybe I'm using the work load just as an excuse to be lax in the whole "personal hygiene" arena, but I really do find myself contemplating which night of the week I'll have time to shower. I am currently quite stinky and I could use my toenails to fend off potential muggers. I've become a big fan of the french braid which does wonders for hiding greasy hair. If you were a Saved By the Bell fan like I was, perhaps you'll recall the episode where Jesse start taking pills to stay awake because, "There's never enough time, Zach!" Don't worry, I haven't started taking drugs but I do feel so tired and overwhelmed sometimes by everything that needs to get done for school that I feel like Jesse Spano. The worst part is that I've even been lax in my devotions because there's just "never enough time." Heidi and I used to run together although most days, one or both of us didn't feel up to it. Once we started running, however, we'd always remark how great it felt once we'd finished and were high on endorfins. We knew we would feel great afterwards but it still was a challenge to motivate ourselves to actually set apart the time and energy and run. So too it is with devotions. I feel so rejuvenated and at peace when I sit in His presence for a bit and really study the scriptures and journal. The "Catch 22" is that I am "too tired" to focus on the Word but if I actually dove into the Word, I wouldn't be so tired. (Is that a catch 22? I wanted to sound cool using it but now I'm second-guessing my usage of the phrase and my plan to sound hip may have back-fired.) Sadly, I often have found myself stuck in this sick cycle in the past month. How tragically ironic that I'm here to serve God but yet, haven't made time with Him my number one priority. I'll read a Psalm and a Proverb and maybe a brief devotional, but I haven't been devoting a significant chunk of time to sit with Him, really study His Word and reflect on what He's been teaching. I got trapped into this cycle at home but thought it wouldn't happen here. Don't get me wrong, I still have great moments with Him where He is constantly opening my eyes to new ways He is working, but I know He could show me even more if I was more disciplined and obedient. I am constantly amazed by how faithful God is to me, even though I am continually forgetting about Him. Subconsciously, I've always feared that one of these times, God is not going to welcome me back with open arms. He shouldn't. I've turned my back and ignored Him so many times, He shouldn't keep forgiving me and taking me back without at least making me work to make it up to Him somehow. But after every lapse in my devotions, every few days when I finally realize I desperately need Him, He is always right there waiting for me. It amazes me every time. He is so faithful although I can be so unfaithful. It's baffling. I just bought the new Casting Crowns cd and one of the songs entitled, "East to West" brought tears to my eyes. God often speaks to me through song and here was another example:
"Here I am, Lord, and I'm drowning in your sea of forgetfulness. The chains of yesterday surround me. I yearn for peace and rest. I dont' want to end up where You found me. And it echoes in my mind, keeps me awake tonight. I know You've cast my sin as far as the east is from the west. And I stand before you now as though I've never sinned. But today I feel like I'm just one mistake away from You leaving me this way. Jesus, can You show me just how far the east is from the west. 'Cause I can't bear to see the man I've been come rising up in me again. In the arms of Your mercy I find rest. 'Cause You know just how far the east is from the west- from one scarred hand to the other."
The same day I heard that song, I happened to be starting Phlippians and read this prayer in Chapter 1, verse 6"..being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. " I've been comforted by this verse time and time again. It seems that Christ needs to constantly remind me that He will not give up on me. No matter how many times I fall into the cycle and forget to put Him first, He is eagerly waiting for me to return.
High- when I would practicing shooting baskets, I would always end on a make so I feel the need to end on a "high" rather than a low. After an exhausting few weeks, God lavished His blessings on me as Madalena, Sabina and I took a 4-day trip to South Africa. We spent two incredible days in Kruger Park and two on a beautiful, relaxing farm. My next entry will be about this amazing time of refreshing and reviving. I hadn't realized I was in such dire need for a break until we left Maputo and my body and mind were finally able to rest. God is so good!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Tales from the OC
First, the big news: Travis and Emma are engaged! He proposed in St. Louis, Missouri where Emma's sister lives with her family. You'll have to ask the happy couple for more details about the surprise proposal but we are all extremely thrilled.
I think I knew I would love Emma the first time I heard her belch. She is quite gifted in this area, and I was very impressed. Usually girls as beautiful as she, don't possess the talent to make such nasty sounds. When Trav first told me about some girl named Emma he was dating, one of the first things he said was, "Katie, she can burp like you." Of course I didn't believe it (I hate to brag but my burps are held in high regard) and thought Trav was exaggerating, but he wasn't! Emma confessed that she recently accidentally let a burp out during class and the whole class, including the professor, stopped to look at her. Ah yes, she will make us Hardemans proud carrying on the family name:) I think I knew Emma and Trav were perfect for each other when Travis spit a booger at her and she screamed but then spit one right back! (My family has a somewhat sick sense of humor. I actually don't participate in this game because it grosses even me out.) I think I knew Emma would fit in perfectly with the Hardeman clan when she would make amazing "ugly faces" for me. I know it's somewhat intolerant of me, but if you can't make yourself look hideous, I may think less of you. I didn't ask if I could post that one- sorry Em. Welcome to the fam! Kinda crazy that little Trav (I know that is an oxymoron- love that word and any chance to use it and impress people) is getting married! They'll officially tie the knot July 20, 2008 and I'm already looking forward to the wedding. (And no, not just because I can't wait to observe and experience all the awkward moments that come with being single at a wedding) I confess that I was pretty sad that I couldn't be there in person to congratulate Trav and Emma and shed some tears reading about the proposal. The price I have to pay, I suppose.
Ok, second reason I was punched in the face by homesickness: (I don't know what's come over me with the metaphores and personification- perhaps I'm teaching too many English classes) Vander isn't a baby any more! He has developed so much in these 2 months, it is shocking. Sure, I took health class and knew that babies grow quickly but somehow I didn't anticipate so much change so fast. The other day I was talking to Heidi over skype so we could see each other and she put the computer on one end of the room and Vander scooted across the carpet like a little caterpillar on speed. How's that for a simile? (Too many drug references in the blog of a missionary? nah) I say "scooted" rather than "crawl" because he mainly uses his arms to pull himself places. We fear he may have learned this technique from Swish and his famous "army crawl." I think Heidi could tell I was disappointed that I'm missing out on so much in his life as he develops so she and Dan did something very sweet. Any guesses? Well to help me feel like I was there, Dan held the computer camera up as Heidi changed the nastiest poopy diaper I have ever seen. I was literally gagging and thought I could smell it through the computer. (no, it wasn't me, just my mind playing tricks)
Rachel Priddy has been taking Vander's pictures ever since Heidi was pregnant and she did another photo shoot the other day. Incredibly thoughtful, she asked Heidi if Van had any zebra print clothes and took these adorable pictures. As if my heart wasn't hurting enough already! Look at those sad eyes! On the side of my blog is a link to Vander's photo shoot at 4 months. Here is a link to the most recent slide show of my amazing nephew. I won't quiz you but as a proud auntie, I highly recommend that you watch this.
http://www.rachelpriddy.com
OK so I've written a whole entry without really talking about Mozambique. Life has continued here, funny/awkward/amazing things have been happening and I will fill you in later but I can't help but share about the exciting things happening with my family. Please don't think I'm moping around here in
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Rat Trap
Before Aisha left for England, we took our cameras on the last run and took some pictures of the our route. I now run with Cecilia, in the picture, and two of her Swedish friends.Here are a few of the roads we run on.Don't you pity me?
OK, time for an update on my first two weeks at
Now for the list:
9 Similarities Between Teaching at
1- I love my kids! I'm pretty sure this would be the case anywhere, but they are what make teaching so much fun. I look forward to telling you many stories about them. I had never taught junior high students before and I vacillate between wanting to hug them and wanting to scream and pull out my hair because of them. The maturity level is drastically different from 9Th and 10Th graders so the first week I struggled a bit with the younger ones but now I appreciate their zeal and energy. I need to be stricter with them and say directions 9 times instead of the usual 5 times but they are so sweet that is hard to get frustrated with them and their "A.D.D." When reading examples for capitalization rules in the grammar book, one example was "Oscar-Meyer wieners." Why in good heaven's name would the publisher use that one as an example in a junior high grammar book? A junior-higher at heart, I think I chuckled as I read it aloud.
2- I laugh often in class. With 175 students at Rowland, I had many more class clowns but of course my classes here each have a few cut-ups who crack me up. (Is "cut-up" the word I was looking for?) I laugh at and with students and at myself. Often.
Coleson is the guy getting his breakfast out of his teeth and has such a sweet heart and great sense of humor. He keeps us all laughing.
3- Some kids don't do their homework. The major difference is there are only 2 kids in each class who forget to do their work so it is very easy to deal with. Also, I told my 9Th and 10Th graders about a new assignment involving writing a story and they literally cheered. Yes, cheered. Eyes lit up, hands were thrown up in the air, and smiles were smeared across their faces- ABOUT HOMEWORK!!! No joke. They love being able to be creative and I've had kids texting me to ask if they can turn it in early. I always start the year with an assignment where kids choose an influential person in history and make a TIME magazine cover for this person and write a brief article. This was the first time that every single student did the assignment and even asked if they could do another.
4- I have some students who give off the "I'm too cool for school" vibe. The difference is, the kids here are actually just putting up a front and really want to do well in school and actually do their work. Domingos grew up in the States and acts somewhat like a "thug" but is super intellectual and has turned in amazing writing assignments. In the picture above, he is closest to the camera. Peter is from
5- I've made friends with the "janitor." At Rowland Francisco would come in to clean my room and we'd have a great chat every day. At
6- I love the trip home. (Not implying that I can't wait to leave school) At Rowland I would drive through
7- There are outside noises which create a distraction in the class. My first two years at Rowland were in a class that shared a divider with the Special Ed class. This made for some hilarious eavesdropping moments. I also share a room at
8- I have to make the occasional kid sit outside for talking too much. Unless you are a previous student of mine, I can guarantee that you have never heard my stern voice. It only comes out occasionally in the classroom and really surprised me the first time I used it. This frightening tone gets the class's attention immediately and trust me, you don't want to hear it. Well I already had to use it with my squirrelly junior highers who could not focus. I informed them that the next person who said a word would be doing their work outside the class. Sure enough, the class cut-up Fredy, dropped something and said, "Ouch." I realize you're opinion of me may change when I tell you that I sent him outside for that but these kids needed to know that I meant business. Fredy was appalled until he forgot about the incident 12 minutes later. This is when ADD can be a positive thing:)
9- I get myself into awkward situations. At Rowland I tried to recommend the movie, "The Pianist." Note to future teachers: never try to say "pianst" in front of teenagers. At CAM I said, "BS" in class the other day because I really could not think of another way to put it. (No, I did not say the actual 2 words) I had asked kids to write 5 questions they had about
Alright, so the detentions. I secretly take sick pleasure in catching kids copying homework. I know, it's sick. It becomes a game for me but I'm pretty hardcore when I catch offenders to try to prevent further copying. Fredy hasn't yet learned that when copying some one's answer, you need to at least change the wording and he copied Cory's work word for word which did not present much of a challenge for me and my detective skills. Let me first tell you about Fredy:
This is Fredy's first year at
Sweet, awkward Cory also had to serve detention for letting Fredy copy his work so students will have a good excuse to say, "No" to their friends when they ask to copy. Cory's dad is the bible teacher and they give me a ride to school in the mornings. He was practically silent on the way to school the first day, so I was shocked when I had him in class and his mouth never seemed to close. I knew about Cory's history through some mutual friends who had told me how his mom had died in a plane crash in
Speaking of the potluck, this was also Parents' night and everyone brings food. It was fun to meet some of the parents although not so fun to pretend to be an adult. I'm sure they could see right through me. Andrew, one of my 8Th graders told me to wear my basketball stuff because we had made a bet that I couldn't beat him in one-on-one. I told him I had to convince his parents I was a grown-up but I would cream him later. And no, I do not plan on going easy on him. In the picture below you'll see some of my sweeties pretending to be tough. Coleson is on the far left and hilarious. He's the oldest of five and so protective of not only them, but all the younger students. Zach is hiding behind his hat and is a self-labeled, "hill-billy" from
Here is Coleson and Canon singing a song they had prepared for entertainment for the potluck. Unfortunately, the chanting cult next door drowned them out and the mics were nowhere to be found. I love everything that is going on in this picture. Please take note of the school's ferocious guard dog, Mocha, checking out all the food. You can also see the head of Barbosa, my "boss" the field director here, and his wife, and their son Rafael with the glasses, listening intently.
These are some shots of several of my students playing on
Ok, confession time. I'm not always super patient with my classes. Sometimes I give short answers, get frustrated, don't laugh when I should and get overwhelmed by all the work. Classroom management is a piece of cake with these small classes but all the planning is inducing stress and acne. I'm doing my best to cut corners in planning, but I still end up being the last to leave the school as the guard is locking up. In recent days, God has been teaching me two things about my work load.
First, He needs to be the source of my strength. I sometimes forget that I am here to serve our Almighty God and think it's "all about me" and what I can accomplish. It's on these days that I nearly collapse in exhaustion and frustration. Then God continually gives me the reminder that He is sitting right there, waiting for me to call on Him for help. I really don't understand how He doesn't get irritated with me having to learn the same lessons yearly, weekly, even daily. But thankfully He never fails to leave me and always, always, always offers His hand to me and lets me lean on Him though I had forgotten about him and thought I could do it on my own, yet again. Gosh, I am more like the Israelites than I ever imagined. I used to get so frustrated in Sunday school when we would learn how they turned their back on God AGAIN and doubted Him AGAIN after He did amazing things for them. How true this seems to be in my own life. When I finally take His hand, everything that needs to get done doesn't seem as important or as impossible.
Today I read the daily devotions aloud for the teachers and it was about being busy. I don't have it here to quote, but it said that being busy in itself is not sin. However, when we are busy because we are striving to accomplish things to try to fill a void, then we have a problem. The verse that was quoted was Matthew 6:19, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy , and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." At first I assumed this was only directed to people who work too much to earn money and place too much value on worldly possessions. Thus I assumed it wasn't directed at me since I don't get paid for my work. But then I thought about some of my motivations for working so hard on lessons. I'd love to say my motives are all purely altruistic, but quite honestly, they're not. Unfortunately, my pride and desire for reputation drive me. Often I want to be liked by my students and respected by my colleagues and although this is not bad, I don't think it should drive me to exhaustion.
My ninth grade English class just read a story about how the world is one giant "rat trap" with bait luring us at every corner. I may not be tempted by money or power, but I am by "reputation." I am just like so many other silly rats that fall for the bait that the "cheese" offered by this world and in my case, a good reputation, is tastier than the feast that the Lord has prepared. Luckily, unlike a real rat, I can escape the trap and go to the banquet table and join my Savior.