Advice from Shirly Temple- I mean Annie

Others warned me it would it happen, but I didn't believe them. They said it would be hard to come back to Africa after a short stint at home but I disregarded their well-intentioned words because I love my life in Mozambique and how could 2 weeks at home change that? Right? Wrong. "Naive Katie" strikes again. I don't know what I would have done differently if I had taken their words to heart but I do know I wouldn't have been nearly as shocked by how down I have been.

Don't get me wrong, I know I am where God wants me to be and that thrills me but when I was pondering the "highs and lows" of the past 2 weeks, the lows seemed to loom much higher than the "highs." I've begun too many e-mails with "sorry to be a Debbie Downer but..." When asked how my day was going I've responded with, "I've had better," "It's pretty sucky" and a big thumbs down accompanied by the farting sound for our non-English speaking empragada which I figure is the universal sign for, "not great." (yes, the sound effect is completely necessary to convey the message) Wearing my teaching mask during the day, I easily fooled my kids and even myself some days that I was doing wonderfully but once I walked out the bright blue gates of CAM, the mask fell off and I shed some giant, salty tears on my walk home. (The homeless beggars and dumpster-divers even gave me looks of pity and no Mom, I was not about to start) So please allow me to be completely honest and confess that the last 2 weeks haven't been the greatest of my life. But God has been right by my side, carrying me when necessary, so regardless of my many "lows" please know that I am still rejoicing in Him and am so thankful for where He has brought me. That being said, here are my lows and highs of the past 2 "transition back to life in Africa" weeks.

Low- After almost 3 weeks at home, I had quickly grown accustomed to hanging out with my family every day and I didn't realize until I was back in Maputo how much I would miss these sweet moments. I've never felt such an ache and longing to be home with them; I mean, they can be downright obnoxious at times and I recall my dad even saying to me at one point, "bet you're glad you're heading back to Maputo huh?" and I was! But now, now I think I may have even made myself nauseous with homesickness (perhaps it was just the meat pie but I'll explain that fiasco later). I wanted to be with Heidi and Vander so badly I physically hurt. I wanted to be at all the basketball games screaming at the refs and eating the food I love and playing the celebrity game and Dance Dance. The tears flowed freely on my walks home as I threw myself numerous pity parties. (why are these called parties by the way? They are no fun and there is no cake involved)
God often comforts me through songs and I always seem to have a "theme song" for different periods in my life. Jars of Clay won the coveted spot for "Katie Hardeman's theme song of the week" with their rendition of "I Need Thee Every Hour." It's not exactly an "upper."

I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford

I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby
Temptations lose their power (temptation to throw pity parties)
When Thou art nigh (what on earth does "nigh" mean? I thought they were saying "near.")

I need thee, oh, I need thee, every hour I need Thee
I need thee, I need thee, I need Thee every hour

I need Thee every hour in joy or pain
Come quickly and abide or life is in vain
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee, every hour I need Thee
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee
I need Thee every hour, teach me Thy will
And Thy rich promises in me fulfill

I need Thee, oh, I need Thee
Oh I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour
I need Thee, I need Thee, I need Thee every hour

Oh, bless me now, my Savior, I come to Thee

HIGH- The biggest high of late is that because of the rough times, I have been drawn tighter into Christ's arms and am forced to turn to Him, acknowledge His presence and lean on Him. I've been forced to recognize my deep need for God and being ever-faithful as usual, He met me and blessed me with His sweet presence. I confess that before I turned to him, I turned to comfort food but there's not an abundance of desserts that I love here so after about a pound of chocolate, I went to Jesus. How pathetic that I turn to chocolate first?!

LOW- In the midst of feeling homesick, I was plagued by an actual sickness- my first since being in Africa. On Friday evening I felt terribly nauseated, my head was pounding (to the point where I actually took Advil which is a big deal for me since I hate taking medicine. I think this started when I was little and couldn't swallow pills so my mom chopped up the pill and put it in apple sauce but I could still taste the nastiness), I felt like a feeble old woman barely able to stand, was up every half hour on the toilet and took a shower at 5 am to try to cool down. Curious as to what was happening to my body, I did a little research on malaria symptoms since I couldn't fall back asleep and recalled getting bit by those blood-sucking demons more than usual that week. As I read the symptoms, I started crying and praying "Please Lord, don't let this be Malaria!"

Usually I try to tough out a sickness- see how long I can go before admitting I'm sick but when I read that some cases led to death, I found Madalena and asked her to take me to get tested. I opened both gates so Madalena could pull out the car and Gizmo decided to make my day more interesting and although he has never done this before, he bolted out the gate and around the block. At my weakest point I was suddenly required to sprint after a stubborn, horse-of-a-dog. Gizmo was heading straight for a major street with lots of traffic and I was certain I was about to see him killed in front of my eyes so I was screaming like a madwoman, "STOP HIM!!! PLEASE STOP THAT DOG!!! PLEASE HELP!! HELP!!" Problem # 1- I was yelling in English. Problem # 2- Mozambicans are terrified of all dogs. They were leaping from his path, not into it and giving me odd looks as I ran my fastest, screaming all the while. God knew I could not handle the death of Gizmo at the point and Gizmo suddenly stopped to sniff something which gave me enough time to grab his neck. Now the problem of getting home...He refused to take a step and had on no collar. I caught my breath, pulled my hair back, and picked him up. Feeling as feeble as Bob Barker, I thought I might collapse if I picked up his whole body so I straddled him and picked up his upper body and made him take steps with his back two legs. (see picture) We'd awkwardly walk a few yards then I would set him down and catch my breath. The Mozambicans stopped, pointed, gawked and laughed. Finally a very sympathetic guard brought me the collar and leash of their dog which I later returned.

Having safely retrieved the naughty horse, we proceeded to the clinic and I had blood drawn. While waiting for the results we saw a fridge full of small dishes labeled "sheep blood" and "chocolate blood." I almost hurled. The test came back negative and by the time I awoke the next morning, I was feeling back to normal. Apparently many people endure these 24 hour bugs as their stomach readjusts but I am also very suspicious of a funny-tasting King Pie that I ate on Friday. Never again. My siblings said I deserved to get sick since I ate a nasty meat pie but I still think the idea is great- I just got a bad one. In the picture I am proudly displaying where I gave blood- I'm not showing off the "grandma arm flab"- that's just an added bonus.

HIGH- While home, I took for granted the fact that if I needed the Internet, it would be there waiting for me, no hassles. The first day back here I quickly remembered how frustrating it can be when I can't get a connection and thus can't communicate with the outside world. I realize this is sounding like a low so far but the good news is that there were a couple of days where I wasn't disconnected once! This is a huge deal for me. One night particular I really needed to talk to Heidi and actually prayed that God would intervene in the Internet world and somehow secure our connection so we could talk. I'll never know if it was His hand or not but I was able to talk to her via Skype and stayed connected and was so thankful for it. With a connection that doesn't cut out every 60 seconds, I was even able to download Grey's and The Hills and get a small taste of home. I also thoroughly enjoyed a string of e-mails that Iron Well has been sending. For the forgetful, Iron Well is my accountability group from Westmont and one of the girls was being set up on a blind date with a celebrity! Perhaps it's pathetic that checking my e-mail was a "high" but these girls are so hilarious and we had such a fun topic to talk about. The picture is of us at our annual get-together- this year in Arizona. Yes, I photo-shopped myself in the picture and no, you cannot start calling me Michael Scott. (reference to the show The Office for any confused aunts)

LOW- An old friend made a return visit during these 2 weeks: loneliness. I've always found a visit from loneliness to be bittersweet. It's not a pleasant feeling. It actually really sucks and does a number on my self-esteem but the "sweet" part is that it points me straight to Jesus. Africa is not to blame for my bout of loneliness. There were times at Westmont when I was surrounded by amazing friends when I felt very alone. I think it points to the fact that only my Savior completely understands everything about me. I am reminded of this fact every time I feel lonely and fall more in love with Him because of it.

HIGH- I honestly believe Jesus uses dogs to comfort me. They are intuitive as heck and it seems whenever I am sad or lonely, a dog shows up. (I am in no way calling Jesus a dog- I'm just suggesting that He uses dogs as tangible comfort) At school I was sitting outside during my prep period, fighting back tears when our guard dog, Mocha, started rubbing her dirty self against my leg and looking at me with her giant eyes as if to say, "cheer up! Things could be worse. You could be a dirty dog who only gets baths when it rains." Then there's Gizmo of course who always cheers me up and is a wonderful running companion.
Lastly, Gizmo's pups have been weaned and two of them are staying out our house! I confess that when they were real little, I didn't think they were that cute (I never said this because anyone who thinks puppies aren't cute seems a little cold-hearted but they looked like furry, wrinkled rats) but now I think they are the cutest pups ever.
It is so fun to be greeted by two adorable Rhodesian Ridgebacks and they love to play and snuggle. (Is anyone else picturing freshly-laundered towels ?) My neighbor Henrik, Gizmo's owner, came over to tell me the puppies were at his house and I could come see them any time but he said, "You can come over and snuggle any time." I started laughing and I saw him blush for the first time. I love when I make other people awkward!















LOW- My Africa BFF didn't return:( Big low. Lindsay decided to stay in Texas and I wasn't surprised by this but it has changed things. She used to walk home with me on Tuesdays and we'd run, go to Bible study and then she'd stay over night and we'd watch the Grey's from the week before. Tuesdays are not the same. I miss having her at school to laugh with and vent to and plot how to sneak onto the Librarian's computer. Linds will be a life-long friend but Africa is not the same without her. (not trying to make you feel guilty Lindsay! I'll see you this summer!)

HIGH- He gives and takes away right? Well although Lindsay could never be replaced, the new second grade teacher is pretty fun too. The night I began to feel sick was the night I met the Rebecca at her birthday dinner which was super awkward at first since we had never met. She was raised in Maputo and is a graduate from CAM and is absolutely hilarious. She's very different from me in many ways- she dresses much cuter than I ever have to school (and just in general) but we share a love of food and the sun:) Her parents still live here and she knows all about the town and has given me some great food recommendations. This past weekend we went to the pool called "The Oasis" where I take the younger students for swimming. Rebecca, her mom and myself spent the afternoon swimming and lounging in the sun and the homesickness finally began to subside. My favorite moment was when her mom swam towards us and said, "Do I have a stream of red following me?" My face couldn't conceal the shock I felt and when seeing my dropped-jaw Karen said, "What? I dyed my hair red last night." You can imagine what I thought she was asking and we had a good laugh about it.

LOW- I pulled a "Heidi" and clogged the one toilet at the school for all the teachers.

HIGH- I went to dinner at the Lechner's. I love this family! Their oldest boy, Coleson, is in 2 of my classes and daily makes me laugh. One day last week he was eating a sandwich during break and said mostly to himself, "I have two great loves in life; God and mayonaisse." Will "the ham" is in 5th grade so I get to teach him swimming and Luke and Abby are in 2nd grade and kindergarden respectively and are both so sweet. Angie and Charlie, the parents, are such genuine, kind, and fun people to be around. I told them how I was struggling to readjust and they were so encouraging and assured me it was a "hump" I was going over and not a permanent up-hill climb. I love hanging out with their whole family and was super excited when they lent me 8 taped episodes of Amazing Race. Abby went through my purse and found my camera and said, "Would you like to take a picture of me to send to your family?" Sure Abby, I'd love to.

LOW- Some of my kids are bullies. They've been picking on poor Silvio who moved from Nigeria and doesn't have the greatest social skills. (in the picture below he is throwing the peace sign) Someone stole his history book and the whole class witnessed "scary Miss Katie" as I lectured them sternly and his book magically appeared on his desk the next day. Another sad thing about my junior high class is that Fredy has withdrawn from the school. His mom decided to take him out since he didn't pass any classes and although he gave me the hardest time, I loved the challenge and miss his witty, although sometimes, inapproriate comments.

HIGH- Kids will always crack me up. Mafat is one of my favorites at the school. He's in 2nd grade and has a bit of a studder because he's so excited to talk. In the above picture he is proudly showing off his fingers covered in glue.

LOW- My favorite icecream place is either closed or being remodeled. Very sad news.
HIGH- I've been getting some quality time in hanging out in our hammock in the front yard. Along with a giant trampoline, I've always wanted a hammock and love taking naps and reading in it. I've started reading The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett and am LOVING it! Thanks for giving it to me Jenny! It's about cathedrals built during the Middle Ages- doesn't that make me sound smart? It's actually much more interesting than I make it sound and I am finally able to picture life in the Middle Ages. Somehow I don't think "A Knight's Tale" was totally accurate.

LOW- It's been raining a lot. I keep waiting to be overwhelmed by the "African summer heat" and it just hasn't happened. My family used to drive to Palm Springs in the middle of summer in an old Honda with no air- I'm ready for the heat! The sun finally made an appearance this past weekend which lifted my spirits. I would not survive in Washington or Alaska. With the rainy season has come more mosquitoes. I had secretly imagined that I had a superpower so mosquitos would never bite me. My dreams were shattered. Contrary to my theories, they do like my blood and had a feast before our house was sprayed. I felt one on my cheek in the dead of night and slapped my face and was left with dead mosquito on the cheek. Not cool.

HIGH- I went for an 8-mile run with Cecilia, Henrik's sister, on the weekend and in the middle of our run, it started to pour rain! We had no shelter and had about 3 more miles to finish so we squinted our eyes and enjoyed a refreshing shower early in the morning. After about 10 minutes of running through the storm, the clouds parted and the sun emerged and beat down on us for the remainder of the run. As we finished the run, I thought about how although I'm not a fan of rain, I do like how it makes everything green. Also, because of rainy days, I am much more appreciative for the sunny days and don't take them for granted. How true of the "storms" I weathered these past 2 weeks. I wasn't a fan of all the "lows" but I am thankful for the results- that the hard times pushed me closer to Jesus. It has also made me more appreciative of the mountaintop experiences and days when everything goes great. So I guess the rain and the trials are necessary although they might not be too pleasant. The sun will come out though- it always does. Right Shirly? (Ok so my cousin Kristen pointed out to me that the quote was from Annie not Shirly- I get all those smiling little girls confused)

One of my favorite Psalms is 119. I was reading it the other day and was filled with peace as I absorbed the Psalmist's words. I love some of the simple reminders of who our God is. Here are some of the verses that really struck me and encouraged me:

v. 32 "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

v. 36 "Turn my heart toward your statues and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things."

v. 45 "I walk about in freedom, for I have sought out your precepts."

v. 50 "My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life."

v. 68 "You are good and what you do is good."

v. 71 "It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees."

v. 75 "I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous and in faithfulness you have afflicted me. May your unfailing love be my comfort."

v. 109 "Though I constantly take my life in my hands, I will not forget your law."

v. 114 "You are my refuge and my shield. I have put my hope in your word."

v. 133 "Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me."

v. 151 "Yet you are near, O LORD, and all your commands are true."

v. 165 "Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble."